stupidity.

Okay. Vent time. So... don't mind me.

Their is this boy and his name is Danny. Usually I don't say names but I  REALLY DO NOT CARE at this point. I kinda just met him.. to be more specific I met him when I came from school. We had game night at a friends house and I met him there with everyone... we talked chatted it up and that was to my knowing the last time I would ever see him.

Then the gang had a mini bon fire... in the beginning of Janruary... who does that? Shouldn't it be snowing?? Yeah that happened the next day. Anywho. He showed up and who did he talk to practically the whole night? Me. We talked and talked and laughed and got to know each other a bit more. That night he did not only hear me almost swear but he also found out that us kids hung out a lot... like every week almost every night. He wanted to know why he never got the text and so I told him that I'll let him know from now on when we do stuff... so like the next night I text him to come over but he couldn't because of previous plans...

Anywho I didn't text him... till the end of that week so Friday (wow I'm realizing that everyone is going to be reading this novel I've decided to write... oh well) So anyways I didn't text him till friday telling him that a bunch of us were going to Boondocks and that he should come.. he couldn't but to text him the next day.. well that night that we went to Boondocks, we text the entire time.. almost but pretty much. I text him the next day and all that night... All the way till Sunday night I talked to this boy.

He couldn't make it to anything that I invited him too because he was really sick but we talked literally ALL WEEKEND.

After Sunday, no text. I didn't text him and he didn't text me. I'll admit I had a crush on this kid... and I didn't even know him. But he was cool and I was down so it's like whatever.. but no texts till yesturday.

Anywho.. I decided to give in to a dear friend of mine who told me to text him "Hey how's it going?"

WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!?!?

Idiot.

Well he did text back and we talked a bit the rest of the night but then I got some more realization from the women that EVERYONE should take advice from at least some point and time in their lives... Jenn. Love you!!

Anyways basically what I've now decided is that.... I'm done with this boy. Yeah I'll invite him to things but.... I..

I am so SICK of wasting my time and wearing my heart on my sleave thinking that cool, awesome things are going to happen with someone when in the end... as it's always been for the last 20 years.. FAILS.

I'm so tired of thinking that a boy likes me FINALLY for who I am.. and I get my hopes up so high because I feel that maybe.. just maybe this time things will change.. and what happens? I end up getting shot like a bird in the sky and fall to the ground. And then I have to somehow come back to life, pick myself up, dust myself off and start ALLLLLL over again... just do what I do best which is perform and act like nothing bad happend. Bottle it up.

I'm just breaking my own heart and I hate that I do it to myself. Like I literally do this to myself knowing that I'm doing it... if their is anything that I regret in this life it would be that. Hurting my own self.

All I want. Is a sign. Just something. And I will be content.
Valentines Day. It's gonna suck like Shaaat. And I'm okay with that.

Okay on a happy note.... thanks for reading.. probably didn't read the whole thing but that's okay...

Isn't this what blogs/journals are for. To just write what's on your mind, no matter what you're talking about?