note to self.

"When we were children, we used to think that when we grow up we would no longer
be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."
- Madeleine L'Engle

Vulnerable. I hate those days when you feel nothing more than vulnerable. I've had a few of those days lately. You know them, I'm sure. Those days where your pride is just too thick to swallow and you simply cannot and will not bring yourself to say anything close to... "Hey, this is what I need. Help me."

These past few days feelings of discontent and tenderness artlessly consumed me in harsh, foul sweeps. I like to think that it's natural. Somedays... our hearts are merely exposed for what they are. Transparent. And most days, I'm strong enough to protect even the thinnest of veils. But these past few days, I wasn't. I wish I would've been, but I wasn't.

These past few days I've felt incomparable, irrelevant and sad. And the thing that hurts me most, is to think that these feelings even existed in the first place - to think that the lows can eat at the core of what's best of you. But, as in any situation, I take from these moments something valuable and something worth cherishing. For it is moments like these that give you clarity and give you strength; and for me, it's moments like these when my heart aches for no other remedy than the love of the Lord.

Some days, just like these past few days, everything won't be okay. Explanations will be nonexistent, and parts of your heart may be defenseless. I want to assure you, that your worth is delicate. Your essence... delightful. And just because there were days, just like these past few days, where you let your doubts get the best of you, you are worth so much more than anyone, even you, could fathom to be. These past few days, they don't make you weak. They don't make you insignificant. They make you real. And because perfection is out of reach for all of us, a real and authentic version of yourself (hiccups and all) is the most beautiful person you can be.

Sometimes, these past few days shape the person you'll be tomorrow. Sometimes, we simply need to let them go. But rest assured, these past few days weren't for nothing.